For the majority of my life, all I cared about were looks. It was all about your shape, figure, and face. It was strictly a physical thing. It took me over 22 years and a lot of bumps, bruises, cuts, and scars to realize that that cannot be the core factor in determining your future wife because hey, looks fade.
I believe that every married couple will eventually arrive at the point where their spouse is not as “hot” as they once were and when that happens I want to be left with having my best friend around. Hey, I am not saying that physical attributes mean nothing. I believe you must be physically attracted to your future wife, but it is a trap to marry based solely on that. Even as a Christian, I realized that finding the right one for me was challenging. I thought just because they love God and are spiritual everything would work, right? Wrong! Even within Christianity it was difficult to find a good fit. I just want to share what things throughout my time dating my now wife really stamped the fact that this relationship could progress beyond the dating phase to her potentially being the woman God designed to be my Wifey.
Throughout our time dating I realized that she was committed to reconciliation. She became very uncomfortable when we were in an argument (yes we argue) or when we weren’t “on the same page”. In fact, she hated it. After an argument, she did not decide to play games and distance herself in the hopes that I would come crawling back to her, she addressed it directly. Here is an example I will never forget, early on in our dating relationship I asked her specific questions about her past relationships (Dumb move, I know) only to find that this door was sealed shut with Land mines in front of it. I, like any idiot male decided I would try to navigate through the field of landmines and I could pick the lock on the door that was sealed shut and reinforced with steel. Then BOOM, I was a goner. The next day when I received a text asking me, “when can you talk?” I knew this couldn’t be good. She didn’t want to talk in order to lay me out and leave me crying in the corner, she wanted to talk because she didn’t like the way the distance between us felt and rather than burying it, she dealt with it. This would be the first of many conversations like it. These conversations were both terrifying and relieving. Terrifying because I thought I might lose her because of whatever idiot move I just made, but relieving because I knew I didn’t have to wonder what was wrong, and that this conversation would be the bridge back to “normalcy”. This was very important to me because I needed to know that in the future, when things come up, she would be willing to deal with the issues no matter how hard or uncomfortable it might be. Very early on, I realized she was committed to always reconciling our differences.
Another quality that made me really consider wether or not I wanted to marry my now wife was her commitment to growing. She was not okay with where she is, she always felt like she was never doing enough even to the point of feeling guilty about it. Although this is an extreme for most people, it was important to me that she was willing to get help and input in her life. In retrospect, it was more than just her willingness to get help. I believe she knew deep down that she is in desperate need of input and welcomes it. The reason I know this is because we had a couple that was helping us throughout our dating relationship and we had a standing appointment with them every week. This appointment was the highlight of her week. I could see the look in her eyes and her mannerism become more excited the day we had this appointment. I have never seen someone so happy about getting corrected! I’m sure it wasn’t the correcting that she was fired up about, I realize that it was because this was an opportunity for us to grow closer to each other and closer to God. We came into some of these times angry with one another, but we always left feeling much better. This commitment to growing was a critical attribute to me because as we get older I want to be sure that we are always willing to get help, that we are always willing to do whatever it takes to grow spiritually and relationally and don’t just throw in the towel when things get hard, but seek out the help that is out there.
I could go on forever, but I will stop with this last quality: How much she loved her family. How much she loves her family was encouraging to my soul. I grew up with a great family and maintain strong relationships with my immediate family. She loves her family so much that it hurts. Out of all the times I have seen my wife cry the majority of the times she cries is when it comes to her family. Just the thought of her brother, her Dad, or her Mom will bring her to tears. Of course I do not like to see my wife cry, but I understand where the pain comes from. It comes from a loving heart and it comes from someone who values family dearly. I knew that if/when we have a family this would be something that she is really invested in and would be committed to it. We all know that sometimes with family, it is so much easier to just leave them alone and not deal with problems because it can be overwhelming sometimes. I never saw any quit in her when it came to her family. The way she loves her family makes her wifey material.
As I wrote this article I realized that I married a fighter. So often when things get hard people just leave or find an excuse to leave which is more common. I know that with my wife it is not in her nature to run. It’s not that she has learned not to run, fighting is woven into the very fabric of who she is, it is her nature. I know that it is her nature to do what might be hard and difficult because she knows the fruits of dealing with conflict. She would never describe herself as a fighter, I am sure if you asked her she would say she is always scared about this or that but there is no doubt in my mind that she is always willing to fight the battles that need to be fought to win the war even when she is scared, and that is why God made La Micia my wifey!