Some helpful tips and advice in dating long distance as a Christian.
Long distance dating can be tricky so I decided to write a blog about La Micia and I’s experience when we dated long distance. At the time, she was living in New York and I was living in Maryland. These two states are hardly worlds away, but any long distance relationship can present challenges. I wanted to share with you things from my experiences with long distance dating. I think long distance dating gets a bad rap. However, I am very grateful God allowed La Micia and I to date long distance in the beginning. Below are some of the pro’s and con’s of dating long distance:
- You get to know the person on a deeper level.
- The fact that you have to actually talk via phone, email, skype, ect. Means you will really get to know this person.
- Distance makes the heart grow fonder.
- Although it is really hard being away from each other, the distance can actually serves to stoke the fire of mutual affection.
- There are less opportunities for Satan to tempt with impurity.
- Naturally because you won’t be physically around each other, the opportunities for Satan to tempt will be fewer.
- You get to spend huge blocks of time together when you do finally see each other!
- Obviously when one of you visits the other, a lot of great quality time will be spent together.
- Grow in being proactive and intentional
- Long distance dating forces you to become a great planner!
- You not being there to reassure her of your affection (face to face) or vise versa can lend itself to Satan telling her (or you) that “the fire” is fading.
- Not getting to work together in Gods kingdom
- It’s difficult to develop chemistry of doing God’s work as a team when you’re dating at distance.
- Not being able to go see each other whenever you want.
- As I said before this can be a good thing, but is still very frustrating.
Having said all of that, here are some practical’s that really helped us have a healthy long distance relationship:
- Planning and communicating when we are going to see each (in person) other in advance.
- How often will you visit each other? When will this be? Who is going to visit who?
- Leading the conversations/ form of communication.
- I recommend coming into the conversations with a bunch of questions. You can get question ideas very easily online (spiritual questions, fun questions, random questions) in case the conversation dies out.
- Variety in communication. You can really diversify the way you communicate. Technology means you can see each other and you can also message each other and send “voice notes”. Don’t forget about the old school either which still has a romantic flare to it, such as: phone calls or good old fashion regular mail (yes handwritten mail!).
- Decide when you will talk on the phone, when you will Skype, when you will not talk (like days to focus just on God), when you will see each other.
- Because insecurities run high with long distance it is best to over- communicate.
- If you do not talk about this stuff in advance then when one person doesn’t call the other it can lead to thoughts like, “he doesn’t care about me.”
- When you know you will be seeing each other in person make sure you have the weekend or the week planned out.
- This serves a few purposes: It is encouraging for them and having things to do prevent alone time where temptation runs high.
- Remember that insecurities are high so constant verbal reassurance of how much you like them is needed.
- One caveat to this is don’t go overboard! There is a fine line between reassurances and saying things that are overly romantic or inappropriate given the status of wherever your relationship may be.
BIG PICTURE ADVICE: This is by no means all inclusive and i know i am missing things. As you date long distance, remember to focus on your walk with God, point your significant other to God, have a lot of fun, and get a ton of advice (from people who have successfully dated righteously) throughout. I didn’t trust myself or my heart (Jeremiah 17:9) so I always got advice about everything (I’m not joking, ev-er-ry-thing) from some go-to people. Once again have FUN!
“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” – Proverbs 15:22
Don’t hesitate to send us any questions.